Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You may now shotgun with the bride
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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