They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
