On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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