She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
