worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
