I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
