they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
