Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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