He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
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