Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
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