hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
