In the future we'll all be gay
She's JV to your varsity
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
