I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
