Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize