i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
