I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
