just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
