this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
