forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
