There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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