Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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