so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
