im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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