Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
