i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
