I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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