No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
