is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
