Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
