i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I will pee on everything he values.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
