you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Sacagawea was the original milf.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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