so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
