So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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