Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
