I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
