Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
