She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
