Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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