I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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