Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
