your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
