I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
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