All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
