worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
