I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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