i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
