I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I have so many feelings about this burrito
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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