glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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