you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
