Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
