In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Come share oat with me in your robe
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
