you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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