so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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